The subject of a person’s identity, and the desire for some people to change it, has become a popular and controversial topic. But it is not new. In Childhood and Society (1950), Erik Erikson examined and mapped the personal development of humans throughout their lifetime, including how they deal with their “identity.” He also coined the term “identity crisis,” which he defined as a time of intensive analysis and exploration of different ways of looking at oneself. He postulated that identity shifts and changes throughout life as people confront new challenges and tackle different experiences.
It seems that the social media age has ushered in a whole new focus on image, popularity, and yes, a search for identity. It’s not like this concern over self-image hasn’t been there before, but clearly social media has accelerated the human propensity for a focus on finding or establishing one’s “identity,” even to the extent of some identifying as a different gender from the one they were born with.
So how do we as believers handle these issues when they come up at work, school, with friends, and even in the family? What does God even say about the need for an identity? I did a quick search of the Scriptures on “identity” and related words. It was a short search. The words “identity, identify, identification” do not appear. The Bible, however, does remind us of all the benefits that have been bestowed on those who have accepted Jesus as their Savior. For example: we are children of God (Romans 8:16), having been adopted into His family (Romans 8:15); we have an inheritance (Colossians 3:24); we have eternal life (John 3:16); God loves us (1 John 4:10-11), even to the extent of disciplining His children when necessary (Hebrews 12:7); we are citizens of heaven (Philippians 3:20-21); we are forgiven (Ephesians 1:7), and there are many more.
These are amazing truths that you likely became aware of early in your Christian life, and we might consider that being a child of God is part of our identity as a Christian. We have a big family of brothers and sisters. But God does not remind us of these things just so that we could think of how great we are, or how unique or important. Actually, it is quite the opposite. These amazing benefits of being God’s children remind us of how God rescued us from the way we were going, not because we deserved it, but because of His great grace, mercy and love:
“For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast.” (Ephesians 2:8-9)
And our natural response to these gifts of God’s grace should be to love and serve Him and others out of gratitude. Ephesians 2:10, which immediately follows the expression of salvation in verses 8 and 9 reminds us that “For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them.”
For example, when children grow up in a royal family, they do not need to be constantly reminded about all the benefits they have as royals. When they are old enough, they already easily understand that. Rather, the emphasis becomes on how to act as a child of the king or queen. In the same way, we as Christians don’t need to spend too long thinking about who we are in Christ. The hard part is living righteously on earth in light of who we are and what the Father has done for us. In other words, the focus is not on understanding our identity itself, but on living our life consistent with being a child of God.
The disciples probably thought that being part of Jesus’ “inner circle” must have been pretty special. We know this because an argument arose as to which one of them was the greatest (Luke 22:24). Jesus responded:
“The kings of the Gentiles lord it over them; and those who have authority over them are called ‘Benefactors.’ But it is not this way with you, but the one who is the greatest among you must become like the youngest and the leader like the servant” (Luke 22:25-26).
Jesus went on to say “But I am among you as the one who serves.” The disciples seemed to have forgotten what Jesus taught them earlier that “… if anyone wishes to come after Me he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow Me. For whoever wishes to save his live will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake, he is the one who will save it” (Luke 9:23-24).
We are so much like the disciples, aren’t we? We are tempted to be so concerned about status, about perceptions that others have of us, about the image that we present, about the identity we have. Jesus was basically saying that we don’t need to be concerned about our identity. What other people think of us will take care of itself. It’s not your job to control what people think of you or cater to what they think you should be. Just stay busy living out your life in Christ by loving and serving God and others wherever you are. God called us to show love, caring, and kindness to all, but it is not a popularity contest. This is such a simple truth, but so revolutionary in today’s world. It is definitely counter-culture. But it is the way to true peace and joy, rather than the transitory peace and joy that depends on the opinion of others. As Jesus said, it is the way to “save your life.”
Then what do you do if attention does come to you? Accept it graciously. And if it does not come, recognize that our Father is the ultimate audience. Many Christians today and over the centuries have served the Lord in obscurity. Their acts of servanthood and sacrifice may never be known, except to the Lord. And that’s OK. An award show for selflessness is not necessary, though we should honor those who faithfully serve in various capacities. Authentic humility does not include wearing a “Humble” button.
Erik Erikson probably captured our humanity quite accurately, that we are all inclined to search for our identity, to be accepted, to be thought of favorably by others, and even to be famous. The fact that we have these inclinations does not make it right or something we should pursue.
So what do we do about the trends we see today with the hyper-emphasis on identity? What do we do when others ask about the pronoun we prefer to be identified by? Or how we address someone who has taken on a gender that we know was not theirs at birth? These can be tough and awkward questions. On one hand, just the fact that these questions come up is a confirmation of the downward spiral of society and what happens when we humans “follow our instincts.” This is tragic, but we should not be surprised. We see this cycle repeated over and over again in the Scriptures. It is just enabled more now by technology. Here are a few suggestions in how to apply these principles:
- Recognize that an unbeliever (the “natural man”) “does not accept the things of the Spirit of God” (1 Corinthians 2:14). So we should not be surprised when people are absorbed in themselves and their quest for identity. At work, school, and in the marketplace, they are to be treated with love and respect like anyone else. Only by God’s grace and mercy have we been spared from going down a similar path.
- Remember that we can’t control other people’s choices, but it would be good to have an answer prepared in the event any of today’s trendy “identity topics” come up – maybe something like “I’m very content with the way God made me” (I Corinthians 7:20; Philippians 4:11). It is probably not the best to be drawn into a debate about the choices others have made, unless it may somehow transition to the gospel. We can show respect and love for them without having to agree with the choices they make.
- Teach our children at an early age that they are not the center of the universe. There are many practical ways to teach them to serve, from household chores, to caring for others in need, within or outside the church.
- Help your children control the impact of social media in their lives. This is hard, especially when so many of their friends are on it. But even secular studies have shown how addictive and destructive social media can be. Actually, it’s not the media itself, but how it enables us to put more focus on ourselves, the impressions we want to make, and our identity. It’s great for keeping up with family news and can even be a platform for encouraging and praying for others. But it’s easy for people, especially the younger generation, to get caught up in competition about popularity and image.
Some of us heard the saying growing up that “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.” In spiritual terms, what others think of us, while it may be disappointing at times, can never take away our peace and joy that we can have in our relationship with Christ. Just remember that Jesus spoke these words shortly before He was going to the cross, knowing the abuse He was about to face:
“Peace I leave with you. My peace I give to you, not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful” (John 14:27).
His focus, even then, was not on His identity or what others thought of Him. His focus was on His mission and on the building up of others. Also remember that it’s never too late to change your focus. The Apostle Paul’s image to the church just after his conversion was not good. Everyone was suspicious as to whether he had really changed or was a fake. But Paul through his selfless demonstration of faith, love, and sacrifice made him beloved and embraced by believers of that day (and also created new enemies). In 1 Corinthians 15:9 he acknowledges that he is “not fit to be an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God.” And in verse 10 he recognizes “But by the grace of God I am what I am ….” So too are we. Undeserving, but grateful. May these reminders, and the peace that Jesus promises, be of comfort to us, whether the world thinks well of us or not.
Steve Smith
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